Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Tori's Review: The Eternity Cure by Julie Kagawa

The Eternity Cure by Julie Kagawa
Series: Blood of Eden #2
Genre: Vampires, Young Adult, Dystopia
Pages: 434
Published by Harlequin Teen on April 30, 2013
Date Finished: August 13, 2013
Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble
Allison Sekemoto has vowed to rescue her creator, Kanin, who is being held hostage and tortured by the psychotic vampire Sarren. The call of blood leads her back to the beginning—New Covington and the Fringe, and a vampire prince who wants her dead yet may become her wary ally.
Even as Allie faces shocking revelations and heartbreak like she’s never known, a new strain of the Red Lung virus that decimated humanity is rising to threaten human and vampire alike.
Shoot me now and call me a liar. Actually, don't, because I don't even know what I mean when I say that. I just felt like it was the right time to say it. Oh yeah warning: there will be book one spoilers for you that haven't read book one. If you haven't, go read it now. And then read this review. Thanks.

Well, I'll be damned. I have to admit that at first I was super intimidated to read this book. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's like 400 pages. Recently, I've been thinking anything over 350 is large. I don't know why. I just feel like that's a lot of plot to get through. (I think Mara Dyer inflicted this thought onto me. Blame Hodkin and her longass books.) But I actually don't care that this book was so long anymore. I'm actually thankful that it was so long, because then I got to spend more time with my beloved characters.

Now if you haven't read this yet and have just read The Immortal Rules, then you're probably going to chew me out for liking Jackal, but once you read the book you will understand. Okay, so just bare with me and don't judge my love for Jackal the Jackass (you'll think the same thing once you read this book. Just saying. It's a fitting name for him.)

Before I go on with this review I'm just going to say that, yes, Zeke and Kanin are in this book. Don't ask about Zeke, just pretend that I didn't tell you that when you go into the book. Don't even think about how he's in the book. Just accept it so I can move on with the review. It would be hard to write this review without you knowing that bit of info.

Anyway. Zeke. You little bastard. I love you so much you make me cry. I have to admit that in this book Julie Kagawa ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and probably laughed while doing it. I know this because I, myself, like to write sad, heartbreaking scenes in my books and then I laugh and smile when everyone who reads my work tells me that I'm a horrible person for making them cry. What can I say? It's satisfying to know that my writing inflicts emotional reactions on others.

I don't feel the same way when those emotional reactions are being inflicted on me. In fact, I feel very hollow inside. Once you read this book, you will understand.

Speaking of understand shit, one thing I don't understand is why people are so Team Kanin. I mean, I get that he's a badass motherfucker, but he's like a thousand (?) year old vampire that has no feelings for Allie in that way that I know of. Zeke, however, is a god. I mean, seriously. After all the shit he's been through I'm surprised he can still wake up in the morning (or at night since he's been hanging out with those toxic vamps lately). If I were him I would've shot myself already. What can I say? I'm a weakling when it comes to pain.

But seriously. Now let's talk about Kanin. That idiot cannot cut anyone a break, can he? He's always trying to be the good vampire, and he's always trying to spare human lives.

I have one word for him: STOP.
To be honest, he's just going to get his whole race killed before anything else. I have no remorse for whatever happens to him. Although it would be sad if he died. It would be sad if anyone on Allie's team died, to be honest. They're all pretty kickass characters.

Okay this review is just going to turn into a rant before I stop myself. I honestly have so much to say about this book. It was so good. I can't even begin to explain my feelings for this series... When I read The Immortal Rules, I wasn't that excited about it. Sure, it was decent, but Zeke was wishy-washy and most of the relevant characters were now in Eden. I didn't really know where else the book could go. The only reason I read The Eternity Cure was because I heard that so many people loved Kanin, and that Kanin was in this book a lot (he wasn't, really. He was just the goal). Other than that, I probably would've only read it out of boredom if I ever saw it at the library and decided to pick it up.

But, damn, am I ever glad that I just conveniently decided to start reading it today. I finished it in one sitting, and I can barely sit up straight anymore because I've been hunched over my laptop for so long.

This book though. Seriously. I had zero expectations for this book except for there to be a sexy beast somewhere along the way. And damn, I found three (assuming Jackal is hot? I forgot from the last book).

I bring up Jackal a lot because I love him and his witty remarks. Here are some of those witty remarks just so you get the gist of Jackal and don't hate on him.

          “You know…” Jackal mused as we [Zeke, Jackal, and Allie] walked down a narrow metal bridge over a crumbling levy. Water must’ve run through it at one point, but now it was mostly dry, covered in rubble, broken bottles and other hazardous things. “This reminds me of a certain puppy I saw one day. Cutest little thing—one of my raider’s pets, I believe. This puppy was friendly with everyone, it didn’t know a stranger. Until one day, it tried approaching a dog—a bitch—that was guarding another raider’s bike, wagging its little tail, wanting to play. And that other dog ripped it to pieces.”
           “Thank you for that disturbing and completely pointless story,” I said, ignoring the obvious reference.

You have to admit that he is one hilarious bastard, don't you think? I almost died laughing.

          “Well, it’s official,” Jackal said, his voice echoing down the long corridor. “This is the most I have ever been in the sewers in one place. If someone had said to me a month ago, ‘Hey, Jackal, guess where you’ll be spending most of your time in [removed due to spoiler concerns]? Ankle-deep in shit!’ I would’ve ripped their lips off.”
Kanin, Zeke, Allie, and Jackal were in the sewage. Don't ask. Just read.

          “Wait, I’m confused,” Jackal said as we began walking back the way we came. “Did the entire world just get turned on its head? Now we’re going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don’t we rescue some orphaned kittens and put food out for stray puppies while we’re at it?”

Seriously how can you not love this dude.

          “If you’re…wondering…this is…so much more…uncomfortable than…it looks.”
           I shook my head. Mortally wounded, and still running his mouth. “How do you want to do this?” I asked.

I do not apologize for the amount of times that I saved his words. He's just too damn hilarious not to.

          Jackal rolled his eyes and stepped away from us. “What now is that I am going to relax for a few hours without listening to the lot of you whine at me. ‘Ohhh, don’t hurt the humans, ohhh, we have to save refugees from mole men, ohhh, Kanin is dying.’ Ugh.” He made a disgusted gesture with both hands. “It’s enough to make me puke. I am going to the bar to get this taste out of my mouth. You all can do whatever you want.”

Only one more, I promise.

          “Well, I have good news and bad news,” he announced. “The good news is that the jeep is still where we left it, and I got the damned thing working again.”
          “What’s the bad news?” I asked.
          “Something took my fuzzy dice.”

Seriously. If you don't read the book for Allie, Kanin, or Zeke...read it for Jackal. I mean, there must be a reason why I gave this book five stars, right? Why don't you find out those reasons? There are a lot of them, which you will understand once you read the booooooook.

I am going soft. So many five star reviews.
I'd like to think it's because I have a magnificent choice in books, and they're all equally amazing, but it could also be because it's 3 in the morning, and for some reason I'm very emotional and soft at three in the morning. Mmm. Who knows.

Seriously. Major spoiler alert. Beware. This is basically a rant. Lindsay thinks my rants are hilarious.

I get that Sarren is fucking crazy, but I doubt that he talks to dead people so that means that Zeke is ALIVE, RIGHT? RIGHT? Yes, that must mean Zeke is fucking ALIVE. He better be. I was crying when he "died". I wish I could say that I was sobbing, but I'm an insensitive bitch and was only dry heaving with minimal tears spilling out of her eyes.

BUT OH GOD. THAT ENDING. It's safe to say that NO BOOK has EVER surprised me THAT MUCH EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MY READING CAREER OR WHATEVER. I'm actually quite book at not being surprised at "surprises". The only thing that I guessed was Jackal. I mean it was obvious that Allie wasn't gonna find Kanin in the first two chapters. But this book. THIS BOOK. Damn.

Let's list out everything that I didn't guess.
2. Kanin being in New Covington.
3. Jackal being my new favorite character because of his fucking amazing wise-ass one-liners.
4. Jackal being a double agent, two-timing bastard, but not really because he helped Allie in the end.
5. Stick being the fucking vampire's pet.
10. Zeke's blood being the fucking eternity cure. I fucking get the title. I fucking get it. But why does Zeke's blood have to be the cure?

Here's what I think about the ending. I think that Zeke actually broke down and told Sarren about his blood being the cure because he's a fucking weak human, you know? (Sorry, Zeke, buddy, I love you and all, but you know you're just a weak human compared to your vamp buds.) He told them, and then Sarren's like okay put on a fucking god show for Allie and her buds and make her think that you're dead or else I'll kill everyone you love. You know, the usual bullshit that the very human-y characters also go for. So that's my theory about the ending. I think that Sarren was just bullshitting Allie, and that Zeke is alive because he's a weakass human that told Sarren the cure to every fucking thing that involves vampires and cures.

Other than that, STICK YOU ASSHOLE. How could Stick turn everything on Allie like that? I mean, come the fuck on Stick grow a fucking pair. Whatever.

The only thing that kept me FUCKING SANE IN THIS BOOK WAS JACKAL. Without Jackal, I would've lost it all and thrown my laptop on the ground.

Oh yeah. Speaking of Jackal. His new name is Jackal the Jackass. Like what the fuck, dude. You don't go around waving your betraying ass around in Zeke, Kanin, and Allie's face. Like, the fuck man you tryna get your head ripped off or something. We all know Kanin will do that to your ghetto ass.
But seriously. I was legit flipping shit when I thought that Jackal actually betrayed them. This was my Goodreads status update, which was pretty much what I said in real life.

Like seriously. I was flipping shit in my own room.

But other than that, Julie Kagawa, you're killin' me girl. Us Asians need to stick together. Us Asians need to bond. So why don't you email me a copy of The Forever Song before I RIP MY FUCKING EYEBALLS OUT JUST LIKE THE FUCKING BLEEDERS. FUCKING 2014. TWO THOUSAND FUCKING FOURTEEN. IS SHE TRYING TO KILL ME. I think she is.

Oh yeah I forgot to warn you about all the foul language in this review. Whatever. Hope you enjoyed by rant, now I'm off to write the actual review that will sway people to read this book hopefully. Yes, I did actually write this part of the review first. I was having too many feels not to. Good day.

(Actually for me it's good night. I stayed up until 3 am to finish this book, and now I'm going to spend the next 30 minutes writing a review. Writing it while the wound is fresh, you feelin' me?)

God I'm super hungry right now. This always happens when I stay up late reading.

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