Sunday, November 10, 2013

Married With Zombies by Jesse Petersen

Series: Living with the Dead #1
Pages: 244
Release Date: September 1, 2010
Publisher: Orbit
Rating: ★★★
A heartwarming tale of terror in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.

Meet Sarah and David.

Once upon a time they met and fell in love. But now they're on the verge of divorce and going to couples' counseling. On a routine trip to their counselor, they notice a few odd things - the lack of cars on the highway, the missing security guard, and the fact that their counselor, Dr. Kelly, is ripping out her previous client's throat.

Meet the Zombies.

Now, Sarah and David are fighting for survival in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. But, just because there are zombies, doesn't mean your other problems go away. If the zombies don't eat their brains, they might just kill each other.


There are only three things that Married With Zombies has got going for it--humor, zombies, and David. Other than that the characters were pretty generic and the ending wasn't as great as it could've been. Everything leading up to the end was great, until the actual end. This book probably could've managed to get a four star rating out of me if it hadn't been for that ending. 

Married With Zombies was just action-packed and fun-filled. There was constant action, and zombies were popping up everywhere, and the time it took for the infection to spread was fairly reasonable. The other thing I absolutely adored about this book was its humor. Seriously. I would read an autobiography by this author (if she's as funny in real life as she is in this book) because there were just so many modern-day references, and I loved it. Usually I don't like references to modern stuff, but in this case it just made it all the more hilarious. The last thing that I absolutely loved was David. I loved his laid back attitude. He just wanted to go through life and make it the best he possibly could. His too-cool-for-you attitude added a splash of fun into the novel.

Now for the things I didn't like. Wow, this is going to be quite the list. Good thing the good things outshines the bad a lot otherwise this review would be a one star review. 

Firstly, I didn't like Sarah. At all. She was so annoying. She was a neurotic neat freak (until the zombie brains were splattered onto her white blouse for the third time) that constantly nagged David and was always on his case. Honestly, I didn't blame her one bit for wanting to divorce her. She was just too uptight. I also didn't like Sarah's relationship with David. At first, I understood why she wouldn't like David's sister. I didn't blame her for not liking David's sister. And once we met David's sister, I understood her feelings even more. But at the end, when all hell broke loose, I completely lost sight of my understanding of their (nonexistent) relationship. I have to side with David on this one and say that Sarah didn't seem to try too hard to be nice with his sister. 

Also, the way the beginning started off was great, but once it got into chapter two, I was like yeah, no. I have this problem with every zombie book that starts off with no zombies and then--BOOM--in chapter two there are three billion zombies. Literally. How in the world can Sarah and David (no forgetting Amanda and the Asian girl who saves their ass and then tries to spring a knife on Sarah) just jump into the zombie routine so quickly without fault? No offense, but it just seems like Sarah would end of dead. She's a neat freak and needs to keep things in order. In a zombie apocalypse, there is no order. Honestly, it just seems like she's sort of weak in the beginning, but then all of a sudden zombies start popping up and she becomes this hardass. David is more of the survivor type, you know? This wasn't a huge issue since this is basically in every book (and I can't exactly be mad at this and call it wrong, because I don't know what would happen in a real zombie apocalypse since we're all, in fact, human) but still. Sarah sure does learn how to use a gun pretty quick in one night, doesn't she? 

Most of my problems are with Sarah, you'll learn quickly. 

This wasn't really a huge issue for me either since this was a short read for me and I wasn't too serious about it, but the 2D characters. Seriously. The only two names I remembered were David and Amanda. I didn't even remember the protagonist's name. That's sad. Here's a summary of why I thought these characters were very 2D and cliched. 

Sarah - Had no soul
Amanda - Dumb as a brick then all of a sudden becomes as smart as ever. Like what.
Asian Girl Who's Name Escapes Me - Typical Asian girl that is all independent and shit. Like fuck no. If I was offered to go on a little road trip with adults and get away from my dead parent's and boyfriend's bodies, I'd say hell yes and wouldn't let them retract their offer. 
Conrad Or Whatever The Hell His Name Was - He was cool until the very end. 
David's Sister Or Whatever Her Name Was - Just didn't like her. Because seriously. Wow. She's the typical older sibling that had their life all figured out with the younger sibling that was a mess. Sorry. I just wasn't feeling it. And then the very last part before the very, very last part. Yeah, no. Again, not feeling it. 

Lastly, the ending. Like fuck no, okay. Just fuck no. Petersen just totally ruined her whole book with the ending. I don't know how to explain my anger at the ending with you guys without completely spoiling this book for you. I mean, it's not really a large spoiler, but you know. Let's just leave it with do not expect great things with the ending because nothing is great about it whatsoever. 

Nevertheless, I'm still going to read the second book, haha. Petersen's writing is hilarious, and I do want to see what the zombie apocalypse brings David. (I also hope that Sarah dies in the second book. That would be cool. Sorry, Petersen. I just didn't like her. But don't feel offended. Rarely do I ever like main female characters. I'm a h8r.)

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